Doc: "Are you breastfeeding still?"
Me: "Yes, I--"
Doc: "You're still doing that? How much longer will you go?"
Me: "Um, yeah...well, they say you should do it for a year---"
Doc: "What about a period? Have you had one?"
Me: "Yes, a few. I think three---"
Doc: "And you are being...careful, right?"
Me: "Um, yeah?..." [My husband told me that I should have responded: "If by careful you mean we're not using swords, then yes."]
I finally got the chance to ask MY question, the one that was supposed to get us together on the same page.
Me: "What's the problem with me having more children? It's not going to hurt me, is it?"
Doc: "No, no, it's fine. It's just..."
Doc: "Yes, it's very hard. And let me just say, you have two beautiful, healthy children and you should be thankful, if you know what I mean. [By this, I can only assume he meant that I should not ask too much of whoever it is that's responsible for the health and beauty of my children. I can't tell if he thinks that's me, him, or God.] But you don't need 20 children."
Me: "What about 10?"
Doc: [awkward chuckle]
Me: "Well, I at least have to have three. Population replacement level is 2.1 and..." [I can't believe I said that out loud. Now I sound like I'm afraid of Indian and African babies.]
Doc: "No it's not, not any more..."
Me: "Yes, it is. Population replacement level is 2.1 and it's impossible to have .1 children..."
Doc: "OK, well three it is."
Me: [Crap. I knew I shouldn't have said that out loud.] [Brief moment of silence while I compose myself.] "I'm not making any promises."
Yes, it really was that awkward, and I have a feeling it's going to get worse. Groan/sigh.
The more I think about this, the more I think that what it comes down to is whether I'm able to manage my lows (both during pregnancy and ongoing after the baby is born), and whether my babies look like my diabetes is stressing them out. So far, I manage lows better now than I did before I got pregnant, because I've learned to expect them almost every time I go more than 2 hours without eating. My A1Cs are great, and my eyes, blood vessels and kidneys are fine. As for my babies, I've had one baby born with a low blood sugar (son #1) and one baby born a little on the large side (son#2). But today, they are both totally normal, healthy and beautiful.
So, I think I'm OK. I don't think I'm asking too much of whoever is responsible for the health and beauty of my children. If it's me, then I say it's totally worth it. If it's my doctor, I think he should get over it and just let me pay him to do his job. And if it's God, I have a grand trust in His abundant mercy towards our little, growing family.