Monday, July 16, 2018

Week 17

Diabetes victory of the week: Not suffering a paralyzing amount of anxiety about gaining a (rather normal amount of) pregnancy weight and supposedly not exercising enough (as I was told to do more of last pregnancy). I reiterate a renewed understanding of why Type I diabetics suffer from eating disorders at a higher rate than the general population! By the way, I do not, nor have I ever had, an eating disorder. But I'm beginning to see why Type I diabetics do extreme but counterproductive things with food consumption, exercise, or insulin management out of anxiety about achieving blood sugar goals/weight goals/calorie goals/exercise goals. The goals that doctors have for you, divorced from your own concerns, problems, and quality of life issues, is enough to make you a little crazy.

Diabetes failure of the week: Not noticing that I'm having a consistent problem with low blood sugars during the night. I guess I've gotten so used to going low between 11:00pm and 2:00am that it doesn't even feel like news any more. I'll try adjusting my basal rates again and see if that works. I have never been able to get a handle on this problem even when not pregnant, so I'll just keep limping along, I guess.

Mostly unfounded fear of the week: That I'm going to lose the baby. We're pretty safe at this point, especially given my history of healthy, full-term births, but I know that stuff happens. It's happened to my friends, it's happened to friends of friends, it's happened somewhere in the world, and it could be me. My friends and family are sort of surprised when I throw that out into the conversation: "You know, assuming everything goes OK and that the baby doesn't ... die ... before birth," but it's hard to get the possibility out of my mind. "God willing," I say, "we'll have another baby in November."

Mostly intangible joy of the week: My second son wants twin girls. The thought of having twin girls is rather paralyzing to me personally, but his joy at the thought that we might have twin girls is unbelievably adorable. I'm so glad my kids are excited to be welcoming another little human being (or beings!) into our family life, as cramped and impoverished as it sometimes is. It helps me remember why it is that we Catholics call ourselves "open to life," because life is good, and people are awesome. It's true even when the rest of the world isn't quite ready to accept that that is just as true for our already-quite-large family as it is for the 33-year-old career woman giving birth for the first time after suffering through two years of infertility.

Monday, July 9, 2018

Week 14

Diabetes victory of the week: Not freaking out about a few blood sugars over 150 mg/dL, and giving it an appropriate amount of time to come back down.

Diabetes failure of the week: My insulin sensitivities over night really need to be adjusted, but I don't feel like I have a lot of guidance on how to do this. My endocrinologist didn't seem to think it was a high priority at my last visit, but I really feel like it's contributing to the overnight lows that he's so concerned about it. I'm just going to make it up, which is pretty much what I always do, and tweak it as necessary. (Insulin sensitivity during the day is 1 unit per 25 mg/dL, but after giving a correction bolus of 6.0 units for a blood sugar a little over 250 mg/dL during the night last night, and subsequently going down below 40 mg/dL 2.5 hours later, I really think this is necessary).

Mostly unfounded fear of the week: That I'm getting too fat and that my OB will scold me about it like she did during my last pregnancy.

Mostly intangible joy of the week: My three-year-old was throwing a screaming, squirming tantrum on my lap because I was trying to restrain him from running around the church and pulling his one-year-old brother around the room by the ankle, and when I reminded this toddler-almost-preschooler about the baby in my belly and the need to be gentle with it, he stopped moving immediately. At least for a few seconds.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Week 12

Diabetes victory of the week: My Dexcom numbers look pretty good, and by that, I mean pretty low. I’m happy with them. I’ve consistently aimed for 60-90 fasting blood sugar and below 130 for two hours postprandial, per what I’ve been told by two different MFMs, and I feel pretty good about where I am.

Diabetes failure of the week: My endocrinologist does not think my numbers look good because he thinks they are too low. He tried to scare me with the possibility of neurological defects in the baby and maternal hypoglycemic unawareness, and it took me a few days thinking about it before I could say, “BS.” My blood sugars are not substantially different than they were in other pregnancies, and you babies are pretty smart. So what if they could have had a few extra IQ points? At least they aren’t missing a critical organ. Also, I know what my blood sugar is all the time because of my sensor, so I’m really not missing any important lows.

Mostly unfounded fear of the week: That my endocrinologist will fire me (again). This was apparently a pretty traumatic even the last time it happened, and I haven’t fully been able to appreciate that until three pregnancies later... This fear is actually demonstrably unfounded because he’s already said he’s turning over my care to the maternal fetal specialist until the end of pregnancy. So I’m a sense he’s already fired me for the rest of my pregnancy, which makes it less scary? Actually, it’s just less personal, because I know he didn’t do it in anger.

Mostly intangible joy of the week: Feeling the little one start moving. I know it’s kinda early, but I always feel it this soon. It’s like a teeny tiny finger tap on the inside a few inches below my below button, and it’s so great to know he’s alive and (actually) kicking!

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Week 9

Diabetes victory of the week: None. Well, except maybe that I did finally figure out FOR SURE that the Dexcom sensor reading undercuts my postprandial peak by 30-50 mg/dL. I'm worried about how often it's giving me a reading that's so much lower than my blood sugar really is, but I'm glad that I figured it out. I'm thinking I'll go back to finger sticks for the duration of the pregnancy.

Diabetes failure of the week: None, really, except that now I feel insecure about my blood sugars being high all the time.

Mostly unfounded fear of the week: That we might have twins. I mean, I love the idea of getting two babies for the price of one pregnancy, but we are already so, so tired.

Mostly intangible joy of the week: Easter! Alleluia, Christ is risen! Victory over pain, death, diabetes, freaking out over my blood sugars, worrying about what my doctors will say about everything, and all that is real, even when it seems to just go on and on.