Thursday, June 21, 2018

Week 6

Diabetic victory of the week: My A1C was 5.7! I think that’s probably the lowest A1C I’ve ever had at the beginning of a pregnancy.

Diabetic failure of the week: Against my better judgment, I accepted a basal rate suggestion from my endocrinologist and suffered a sweaty-sheet, couldn’t-fall-back-asleep-for-30-minutes low in the middle of the night.

Mostly unfounded anxiety of the week: My endocrinologist will fire me again, or refuse to fill prescriptions for me, if I don’t do everything exactly as he says. This came up because of the above incident, and the fact that I refused to wait three days OR for his approval to change it. I knew exactly what needed to be changed to make sure I don’t suffer the same problem on future nights.

Mostly intangible joy of the week: An absolutely delicious hug from my tired three year old in which I got to tell him how much I love him, and he responded in kind. (Especially sweet because he told me three weeks ago that he didn’t want me to be his mommy anymore!!)

Monday, June 18, 2018

Week 5

Diabetic victory of the week: I went out to dinner, ate a little more than usual, and still had a great, stable blood sugar 3 hours later.

Diabetic failure of the week: I woke up in the middle of the night to correct a low blood sugar, but drank too much Gatorade, and ended up a little over 200 an hour or so later. I've apparently gotten pretty good at sleeping through my high blood sugar alarms, and so the SONAR HORN alert failed to tell me for another hour and a half.

Mostly unfounded anxiety of the week: That I'm going to miscarry. It's unfounded because I've never had one, but only 'mostly' unfounded, because miscarriage is a real risk for anyone at this stage of the game.

Mostly intangible joy of the week: My husband told our boys that we are going to have another baby and they were jumping-on-the-bed excited about it. It's especially sweet to see that my oldest son, who has done more than his fair share of big brothering in life, is completely delighted about the development.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Week 4: Delaying Prenatal Care

You guys remember that I'm not a doctor, right? OK. Just so we are clear on that.

We were trying to use a monitor for NFP-ing this time around, and it didn't work. The most important part of this particular instance of NFP failing, however, is that we knew exactly what we were doing and we knew we'd make it work if we had another baby. Move over, accept those hand-me-downs, scour the internet for a cheap, large vehicle, and buy a bigger pot, you know? We love this baby a ton, even though we inevitably fret some about space, money, time, and all that. People are more important than things.

So after we were pretty sure we'd timed it wrong with ovulation, I took a pregnancy test every morning. I had a box of expired pregnancy tests that I needed to use up, anyway. I am certain I saw the faintest of lines on the fourth day, but it was obvious on the fifth.

The diabetes part of pregnancy is never a non-issue, but having so much anxiety about the diabetes part of it last time has shown me that anxiety does not improve anything, so I'm just going to try not having (so much) anxiety about [the pregnancy, diabetes, my health and the baby's] (all the time). I skipped the donuts after church today, I never drink soda anyway, and perhaps I'll just go lie down rather than having a second 1/2 cup of rice with dinner. My blood sugars will almost certainly be unpredictable sometimes, and my baby may end up without one of his kidneys, but we become better people when we love each other through the uncertainty and pain, so that's what we'll do.

Also, going to the doctor actively increased my anxiety levels last time. It was an issue of finding childcare for my other kiddos during those enormous number of hours of appointments, or that they would tell me I needed to exercise when I was already chasing four boys around the house, or that they would find something like placenta previa on ultrasound and have me all worried about a c-section for the next three months and then it would turn out to be nothing, or that they would tell me my blood sugars were too low/too high/too whatever when I was already doing my best, or that they would scold me for having another baby, or fire me as a patient, or that they would suggest I [insert polite word for killing a child before birth here] if something showed up on the ultrasound or genetic testing, even though it could be a very manageable problem.

This time, I'm just waiting until 20 weeks to tell any medical professional what they don't need to know. After all, I know this could still end in miscarriage. I'll take my prenatal vitamins, watch my blood sugars like I always do, pay attention if there's sharp bleeding or pain, and drink water. And I want everyone to be clear that I am not a doctor giving you medical advice, OK? I'm just a diabetic mom trying to avoid conception and failing, trying to get a handle on those unpredictable blood sugars, trying to avoid triggers and stressors that don't make any meaningful difference in my health, trying to love the awesome babies God keeps sending my way, and trying to cast all my cares on Him, because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7).

Let me know if you had a positive experience at the doctor early in pregnancy! I'd love to have my faith in medical doctors restored.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Four Months

Hello from the other side of baby fog! This one was especially sweet. Pregnancy was so psychologically miserable, and I think the physical recovery took longer, too. The fact that he was out here and not in there any more was so great. He makes me ridiculously happy, and he hardly ever cries. The smile on his 7-year-old brother's face when he looks at him, the 2-year-old's voracious appetite for holding him, the 6-year-old's sense of duty in keeping him from crying, and the 4-year-old's willingness to attempt to change his diaper... it's just awesome. My husband even put the Moby wrap on, for the first time!, to hold him today.

I know I've posted about postpartum diabetes management before, and I'm trying to figure out why I get so bad at controlling my blood sugars after baby is born. I think what happens is that during pregnancy you are excessively diligent about your blood sugars because it's not you that depends on them being good, it's a teeny tiny little person that you just can't help but love. So you whip yourself into shape and do everything you can to bathe your child in a perfectly temperate glucose environment. After the baby's born, you start taking care of baby in other ways, and your blood sugars just aren't a part of this baby's life anymore. (Except when your blood sugar is too low for you to coherently care for the baby. Self-care can save lives!) At this point, the only person it matters to is you, and you know that 170 mg/dL for a few hours isn't going to kill you. Plus, your brain can only handle so many details. Carb counting gives way to diaper changes, bolus ratios and insulin sensitivities give way to burping techniques, checking the sensor gives way to being very, very, very quiet and still so you can finally get the baby to sleep and take a nap.

I may not post again until I'm pregnant again, and that may be a while. I've learned not to make promises. This last one was hard, but brought us so much joy. Our family is really in a very good place, except maybe a little poor. We're not very good at NFP, and we all know what that means. So we'll see.

Enjoy perusing the archives and feel free to contact me if you have any questions or birth stories you'd like to share!